delusions of grandure

Today, I am all by myself. My roommate went home, the last of the boys in the downstairs apartments left this morning. I have work tonight at 10, it is now 3:30. I have the day to myself. And I don't have to motivation to do anything.

When I'm out, waiting for the bus, running on the treadmill (which hasn't been for like 3 , will be 4 weeks) my creative juices flow the freest. I let my mind run wild with dreams of writing the next great screenplay, blogging about current relevant issues. I come up with ideas for zine articles, the club that will change the world. I live in a world where I am genius that is on his way to being recognized for it. But then as soon as I get home I check my email, my gay blogs (which i never read, just peruse for porn) and allfg.org for my daily fix of internet television.

I don't know what keeps me from starting on any of these projects. I know it myself. I know that had I any motivation I could set aside an hour to write, to muse, to create. But I find myself in Mike's room shooting the shit, smoking bowls and spacing, until its good and late. Late enough to fit in a quick wank before bed. And then its the next day and the cycle repeats itself.

I think it might have to do with my schedule. I have class, I have work, I go to the gym, so when I'm not doing those things I should be doing school work. And the only way that I can justify not doing school work is by telling myself that I am recharging my batteries.

So the question is how do I balance, school, work, and my delusions of grandure. I might try to schedule my days better. I have a very strange conception of time. I pretty much do not do anything that isn't work related outside of the regular business hours. When I have school work to do, I go to the library and try it get it done during the day, so that when I go home I don't have to try and fight the temptation of the internet.

I might also benefit from - see I don't know what! Ok so schedule my days better. School, work, school work, creative endevours, social time. Seems like a lot. I just remembered that I have to add a course (or two) to my timetable because I dropped a full credit course. Balls.

And thats another thing. The last four months have blown by. I never at any point felt it lagging. And I compare that to last year when I spent most of my time literally diddling myself. This year I am on campus 10 hours a day more days than not.

I just came to revelation. i think one of my problems is that I rely on my computer far too much. I don't journal, I blog. I don't handwrite anything, I type. And my computer doesn't travel- well. The battery is dead so I have plug it in, and my wireless card crapped out on me last year. What waste of $100. So this is the revelation. I am going to start carrying around my Moulin Rouge notebook that Lauren gave me and use that to write my screenplay ideas down, notes for zine articles. That way I can work on stuff on campus, whenever I have 20 minutes to spare.

Now that only other thing I have to try and get on top of is my school work. I have to say this semester didn't go too badly. There were some motivations problems for one of my MITs and I did end up dropping chinese, but lets be honest, unless I was willing to devote time to it, it wasn't going to happen. And I just don't have the time/motivation to learn chinese that badly. I have always and more than likely will always be proud English speaker. I have the books, and the audio accompaniment so if I feel so inclined in the future, I will teach myself.

I feel a lot better. Its 4:00 now. I wanted to make this apple pie to take home to mom. I think I will go and try. I will feel like a douche if I don't. So heres goes nothing.

Billy Singleton I love you

This is an experiment in blogging for me. I have been at work since 12 today and it is now 3:42 am. Awesome. So I was at the bar tonight and Billy Singleton was there. He was drunk. He was fucking smashed. I first noticed him leaning up against a post to hold his gaint body up. As I got closer to him (and I sized him up) I noticed his fly was down. So I put my hand over my mouth and leaned in and yelled at him, "You're fly!". I'm not sure if he heard me, he kind of looked at me funny and I kept going about my business. I realized later, he didn't have a fucking clue what I said. The bar is loud and I covered my mouth.
Anyways, Billy Singleton is a freshman at school. He is on the football team *melt*. He's ... 6'3''ish, I'd said probably, 190-200 pounds. Big broad chest. solid torso. Oh and a baby face to die for! We first made acquantence with him a couple months ago at a writer's meeting for this online magazine at my school. The project is a front for keeners trying to pad their resume. Whether or not anybody reads it, we write it, edit and publish it so pppfffbbbb. The fact that he had similar ambitions/ambitiousness made him that much hotter.
Of course I facebook creeped him and found some lovely shirtless res pics. Oh boys. I do love them. Ok I was gonna try and write for 20 minutes but my brain is working slower so I'm quitting now.

finally!

I have finally been able to take a blogging break! I have been on the go pretty much all week, all the week before. I can't believe it is already December. Seriously though!
Oh jees where do I start. I'm soo tired. I am literally falling asleep at my computer. But I have two papers I have to get the done like the next 36 hours so I need to stay up. For the next 36 hours. :D

I wanted to write a thing on short guys. I keep seeing all these really hot short guys all over the place, and like i hooked up with this shorter guy not too far back, and the reason I haven't seen him again since is - well - he's short. I was thinking about (since I haven't been able to blog) the one advantage to sleeping with someone who is shorter than you is that you get the upper hand more often. Unless the guys is muscle powerhouse, he will more than likely weight less than you so you can throw him around which is kind of fun and kind of impossible with bigger guys. And I have had sex with a tall guy before (like 6'3'' plus i think) and that was AWESOME and awkward as well. Like I was in him from behind but I had to like prop myself in such as way so that I could reach.

See this is the reason i dont blog. I try to write this masterpiece, but then I type slow I guess or something so half an hour later I'm not very far and I have to get back to work. SO I do and sometimes I come back and most times I don't.

Tonite I did. I must I go again. Dinner and then more essays.
Yeah.
Christmas is coming soon.
Where have I heard that before?