New Years & The Pledge (& Inspiration)

So another year comes to a close today - and the only reason that this is a positive post is because I am not working. Some poor bastard offered to take shifts so I gave him the only one that matters. Instead of cursing life tonight surrounding by drunk idiots, I will be a drunk idiot toasting life. Much better.

I am going to Guelph to party with Lea and Lauren, and I have no doubt it will be sloppy. I am supposed to be packing, but I as I was dressing, I put on the MTV.ca video mix which started off with Rihanna and Britney. Why do female pop stars inspire me to be the best I can be? I want to be pretty girl deep down inside I guess. I was thinking that in 2008 I will finally do drag. I have wanted to for a while but have not really been inspired. But I think I can pull off a Riri. Get a cute weave, short dress and some nice size 12 high heels. I will try and do it for Pride...

And Britney I love you! I love that you are a shameless whore. I hate that you won't clean up your life. I've cut friends off for less. But... You're priceless. If you haven't seen her latest creative endeavour:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89oS4SN4mNg

And of course the pledge is back. I can't remember what it was last time. I think it was no carbs. I am going to start that up again. Except it won't be HARDCORE - I just took a loaf of bread out of the freezer. And I have a big bag of russet potatoes that have to get eaten - and I'm poor. So not hardcore, but still a lot better than I'm doing now. That means no more Tim's bagels :( - I means more water, more fruit, - oh and gyming 5 days a week - I wam going to try for 6, but no promises. I AM GOING TO BET A BODY SPACE. And I will link to it.

I also have to work harder on FD.
I also have to flush out my ideas for Real Canadian Man Magazine (title subject to change)
And The 13.

Oh and I'm going to read a lot more. I am have two books on the go right now. And I bought Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance.

Four months until Freedom. I just have to set a good base in those months and hopefully everything will go well after that. A Prayer:
Dear God,
Please see my through the next year safely, healthily, and happily. And Peace on earth.

See you bitches in 2008

because I need to...

I need to write this post so that I can say to myself that I'm not a piece of shit.

I have been as lazy as I have ever been - ever. I spent 7 hours in front of the TV a couple of days ago. I just finished dealing with my internship thing that took a week longer than it should have. I got blind drunk on Monday and may have said something stupid to 'poke' boy. But for whatever reason, here I am, Friday afternoon, watching Oprah and struggling to write this post.

I have felt for a while to need to get a creative project to work on. And recently I feel like writing again. I should get my hands on a copy of Creative Suite but I've tried, and no fucking go.

This is a shit post. But its been a shit month... or two so...
At least I tried...

Strange State of Grace

So, I realized today that I haven't done any writing (outside of class) for a long ass time. I picked up an MIT Zine this morning and scoffed. But as I flipped through the issue, I realized that I could not have done much better. But then I realized that it wasn't for my lack of writing ability, but because I was just lacking things to say.

Ever since I have decided what I want to do with my life, I have sort of found this strange state of grace, where, I am no longer worried about what is going to happen next, I have an end goal, and I will make strides to reach it.

But my goal doesn't require a whole lot out of me at the present. And so as I am no longer panicking, it seems I have lost the sense of passion I once had. I don't feel enraged about things anymore, or joyous for that matter, I just don't feel very much of anything.

I am sure it is partly to do with the fact that I am so fucking busy I don't have time to watch the news of catch up on the world. But I think it partly has to do with ... I don't know a sort of disillusionment. From what I don't know... I'm not sure I care... But it bothered me that I haven't written. So here I am writing....

In other news, I decided that that boy that I like at work, needed to know how I felt about him because in my head, he felt the same way I did.... So I just said to myself one night, Ok I'm gonna do. I had what I would planned out but as we walked through the still Sunday morning air through the white Victoria Park, I realized I was way way off. But there were words already coming out of my mouth.

I was apologizing for treating him poorly over the past few weeks. I had been avoiding him in an attempt to stomp out my passion for him, which obviously didn't work. Well, why would you treat me badly, he asked. Don't worry, I said, thats not important. Well, I want to know, he said, you can't bring it up and not tell me. So I did.

"I realized that I was really starting to like you," I said "And I would consider you one of my better friends, and I don't like to weird out my friends. So I was a dick to you, thats how I dealt with it."

"Well that's stupid," he said. He went on that he only really like me and one other guy at work and that it would be "stupid" to lose a friend for that.

We parted ways and I convinced myself I felt better. Which I do... "That's stupid" echoed in my head for the Sunday and into the Monday. And then Tuesday night after staff dinner, he poked me again.

What a fucking guy...

Last crap item for the day. I know these two girls who like EXACTLY the same and I have almost called them the wrong name. I ran into one this morning, I am going out with the other one tonight and so as I was about to say "Can't wait till tonight" I realized it was the other one and changed it to "are you coming out tonight". Stupid look a like girls, can't keep them straight.
Anyways handing in my second to last paper today, so I should probably start.