Cuba! Si!

I got my passport today!! Yesterday we booked the trip. I'm going to motherfucking CUBA!

Its weird, things seems to be going strangely well. I got this shit looked after, I'm going to Toronto on Saturday for Lauren's birthday, which I can definately afford. Or at least will be after work Thurs and Friday.

I guess the only thing I have left to do is get on top of my school work. :S I hate reading, and it seems that is all the work I have to do. And I hate reading! But I need to get on it. I have a midterm on Monday, which I have to read 3 chapters for. Not too bad. But then I have to get started on reading for another midterm, and and essay. And I also have to work on a presentation. But I should be ok. At least I know what I need to be doing. Bah I hate being evaluated.

Had some great sex the other night. It was with short Rob. I wish I knew to work links and tags so if you wanted you could go back and read about my short guys debate. Anyways the sex was amazing, but I need to start having sex with people I'm hot for. I felt bad that he didn't get off, but like, if I wanted to get off, I'd make it known that thats what needed to happen. He didn't seem to interest. When I fool around with Cameron though, its my goal to get him off, because I'm hot for him. Sex is weird. But awesome all the same.

Oh heres a link for today. My friend Eric (I'm sure I talked about him before - my sexy classmate) are making a video to enter into the Edge's youtube challenage. It took me a couple weeks to come up with the concept, but we have one, I'm writing the script and looking for an actress. We have until Feb 16th (I think) to get it in. I'll post it here obviously when its done.

Girl TV

Girl TV is always a guilty pleasure, and I'm not sure why. From when I was a young fag watching Ally Mcbeal, to middle school drama that everyone could get away with, Dawson's Creek, to the vernacularly endowed Gilmore Girls, I can only admit the addiction to other fans.

People's television choices in general are pretty fucked up. There isn't much to choose from these day, but what people seem to pick up and leave behind is weird. For example, 30 Rock, an SNL backed Tina Fay vehicle apparently got canceled. It appears from their website that there is a special episode coming up, but I don't know if they ordered a full season yet. Come on Meta tv is all the rage. And Tina Fay is awesome.

Thats a girls show too though. What brought me to the issue of girl tv is my only real series of choice this season. Ugly Betty is the story a girl from Queens trying to make it in Manhatten. She has a killer job and has to deal with all of these semi-moral dilemmas. The writing is fabulous, the lessons inspiring, the hunk, hunkilious (if a bit on the small side) and the aesthetic styling and shot composition is very modern.

I just thought that I was kind of interesting. Oh these are all things that you can check out on alluc.org

Is it me or PCs?

I have, for the most part, been a PC advocate my whole life. I hated people who had macs because they always think they're better than everybody. And for a long time their user interface just didn't seem as ... good.

It seems though times have changed. I am so fucking sick of my laptop. I'msick of the laptop I work on at work. I hate my buddy'scomputer with all the pop-ups.I'm sick of accidently deleteing my posts with one keystroke.

I want a mac. I was looking on ebay for one a while back. But then I realized that the company is doing so much with the intel core duo, that Imight as well hold off until I can afford it.

While might take me while with my spending habits. Bought this digi cam on ebay on wednesday. It s a dv camcorder too, and for $175, I'd say its a pretty good deal. I'm gonna get off now before I lose this one - or get caught. http://www.digilifeglobal.com/ddv-m1.htm

FUCK

Fuck! This is the second time I writing this post!! I hate Internet Explorer ... and to a lesser extent, blogger!

So I was originally mad that I had forgetten my dinner on the bus. Obviously it was becuase I had been staring at a hot guy.

I gotta run though boss coming. CUBA!!

post script

So even though I couldn't post last night, I controlled my urge to cum.

Until this morning. Pulled one out before I got out of bed. *Shurgs* what are ya gonna do?

internet porn and popularity

I'm sitting in the library between classes. I should be reading, but I need to blog.

I'm sitting across from a former dream boy of mine. He messages me off the PW message board at the beginning of last year. He a tall thin, irish boy, down to the blue eyes and thin brown hair. He sent me a naughty picture of himself and we tried to hook up, but was lazy/scared/confused and has chose to embrace the str8 side of his bisexual identity. Which I awesome. I saw him at the bar over the weekend, didn' think I'd run into him this quickly. We had never actually met, and so I don't hink he remembers me. But if I remember him....

So I took the weekend off of blogging. Why? I got my computer back. And we all know what that means: Internet Porn. I love internet porn. It is my reason for gettin up in the morning. Ok its not, but I do really enjoy. As you may have gathered I am fairly sex obessed. I don't really care about much else. And so much of my time on the internet is spent surfing porn. Bloggers, and xtube offer up for fucking amazing content, and if it wasn't for the fact that I one day want to work in the industry, I would never pay for porn again. So that was Friday, then I worked Saturday and watched football on Sunday. I'm sure I could have squeezed a quick ''whats up''s in but I was suffering delusions of grandure. Which seems to keep me from a lot.

Anyways I tried to go one night without cranking one off, Monday. I sat down at my computer at 1:45 and wrote a quick little blog about idle hands and how glad I was I had something that could save me from myself. I click publish and the dreaded "try again in 30 seconds" appeared. Blogger is too popular. Stupid google and their FINITE processing capabilities. If you are going to helm Internet 2.0 please make sure you have the capasity before you buy up and popularize all the internets creative outlets.

Soon enough it will be back to the paper and pen 'logs'. And how said would that be.


This is Tom Brady's ass. He's my football hero. Mats Sundin is my Hockey one. I love him /them because he a great leader, a garcious winner and fucking hottie. The Pats aren't going to the Super Bowl this year, but who like football anyways?

I [heart] blogging

Friday afternoon. 2:51. I'm on the tail end of my 'lunch' break. Hit up d-listed partly because I too enjoy celebrity fodder, partly becuse I think he is hilarious, and partly because I find pink to be visually - *shudder*.

I then surfed over to completely naked. From there I linked to DTB. The internet is an awesome place.

I love blogging because once you do it, you realize that no, not everyone is or should be a superstar blogger. People whose blogs are read worldwide put tons of time and energy into them. Just creating the links for this post took me forever. The pictures from the last post took even longer. I'm really not sure how Jared or Matt (Who is a uni student like me) do it.

But I also love blogging because it is an outlet. It is democratic. You (or I) have control of what we read, what we write. I will hopefully be back online tonight, when I get my a/c adapter from fedex. And I'd like to continue to blog. Its fun. And I will have a goal of just having a more visually appealing blog. Then I will work on gettin my name out there. I have started to comment on pages.

If anyone, anywhere reads this, savour your internet. It is a great and powerful and wonderful tool that should be used for more than porn and free streaming media. You should google everything you ever wondered arout. Wikipedia it. Learn, share, grow.
Back to the grind.

disconnected

Last night was a fucking weird night. I got out of class at 4:30 and I think it was all the talk about the future, or maybe the catastrophy that is our Cuba trip, or I don't know but I felt down in the fucking dumps. And I haven't felt that way in a long ass time.

I was supposed to go to they gym, but I didn't. I just sat in front of the computer in Nat Sci and pouted. Katherine MSN'd me and we made dinner plans. I talked to J for a bit. He kept going about about how, I would get over whatever the problem was and that he was always there if I needed an ear.

Now I do apreciate the sentiment, but J come on. This is going to be harder on him than it will on me. *eye roll*

Anyways dinner was amazing and I was feeling so much better when she drove me home. I'll go upstairs and change and relax and go to bed early and feel better tomorrow, I said to myself. I went to the main house to see what the boys were saying. Sitting there watching my Leafs battle Tampa Bay, I realized, I had picked up a shift for that night. All the feelings of despare came flooding back and I felt like shit.

I stayed and watched the Leaf's victory (3/4 is 'winning' right?) but on the way to work, I don't know how to explain it and maybe it was the weed, but I had a real break down. Look at me in my tiny existence. Going to a place where I stand in the dark for five hours and then they give me money and I go home. And I do this without thinking. What am I doing with my life. And I started to think about all the other people around me wasting thier lives, doing mindless, meaningless things.


And I wanted to spill thier blood. I wanted stop the waste, the consumption. If only those who deserve to live did, the world would be a much better place. And even as the image of so many hacked bodies made my stomach turn, I felt it. The drive to kill.


Dexter - A dark, drama-dy, produced by Showtime. Starring Michael C. Hall of Six Feet Under fame the show is about a serial killer who uses his homicidal tendencies ... for good (?)

The show doesn't air on Canadian TV, or at least not yet anyways, so we watch the bootlegged internet copies on www.alluc.org


I was totally fucking influenced by a mother fucking TV show. To feel the need to kill. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

I still chalk it up to the weed. I was pretty high. But still. Holy Shit. And I consider myself a pretty stable preson. Who else is watching this?

Anyways, I walk into the bar and its DEAD and so i make eye contact with my boss and make a "keep me and you're a bastard" face and he waves me off. On the way home, I am sober. I realize that I am just being stupid and its all the little problems in my life that caused that screwed up self examination. I also had a theory that it had something to do with the face that I haven't had my computer for sooo long.

And the light bulb went off. I had a book idea. I'm not going to tell you. But its awesome. Or at least should be.

quickie

I think I have started to substitute blogging for jerking off. At the moment my laptop doesn't work, and not that I can't get off without internet porn, but jerking off outside of that context makes me feel like a 13 year old again. I beat it in the shower last week, and it was ok, but I felt... I donno. I can blog in public though which seems to be working.

Anyways, its friggin 11 o'clock in the morning, I'm not hung over but I've got my sunglasses on inside the library. Went to my faculty pub last night. AWESOME. Before that I went to a kegger one of the bartenders at my work was having. I get there and there these two HUGE guys at the door. "$10.00" They say. The money comes flying out of my pocket. Played a couple rounds of flip cup, had a shot or two.

Do I drink too much? I have been drinking a lot in the past week, and I need to stop. I can't afford to pay for it anymore and I can't afford the toll its taking on my body. I need to M EFFing sleep. Today was harder to get out of bed than the day before. But I did it. Got to school early to do an interview and the place wasn't even open. And I don't want to write the story. But I need the by-line so I will.

Boys. So. Many. Hott. Boys. I love going to this school. Wish I could find me one that would screw me. (While meeting my exceedingly high standards)

Class in 9 minutes. I feel like death and this prof is the worst. I just remembered the class fills up quick so I go.

That was good, will I see you again?

I don't care

"and I'm out of his leauge." I said finishing my smoke. She cocked her eyebrow. "How do you mean?" Silence. "Oh... Oh."

This was my friend's response to my finaly decision about J. J occured in the two month period that I wasn't writing this blog. We hooked up one night for sex. I was DRUNK. He came over, we screwed and he left. I woke up the next morning barely remembering any of it, but knew that I looked like a fool.

In a move to try and save face, I called the last number in my phone and left him a message apologizing for my drunkeness. That led to a coffee date, which after two weeks turned into a relationship.

After two months of a very one sided stab at things I finally came out with it; it just wasn't working. I don't want to get into the details of it, but essentially he wanted a long term, I wanted a fuck buddy.

Two months later, I ran into the bar (this is Saturday) and he accosts me and goes on about how he made this big mistake and he wants me back. Now, I am a very lonely person on the inside. Evidence: this blog, which no one reads. So for him to be all gushing over me was the best and worst thing for my ego. We left the bar together and while I don't like calling things mistakes, it was. As soon as we got back to his place (and we were all done doing drugs) I realized that after we had broken up, I tallied all the things I didn't like about him and this reunion was highlighting a lot of them.

I took him back to my place and we fooled around. And he stuck around. - -

We made a lunch date to discuss where to go from here, but there really is no where to go. I told him a loud clear voice at the bar "I am a selfish, self centered person." Which is simply a statement, not an apology. I don't have time in my life for another person and I don't need the drama of worrying about other people's feelings. There were alos a bunch of body issues that both of us had/have to get over. Again I don't want to get into too much detail, but sex was an issue for us.

So the question is how do I let this guy down. He is a great guy, and as well as our personalities go together, we aren't meant to be. Is there a way out of this without getting trapped or him feeling like shit?
I guess we'll find out.

RANT!

Fuck balls! Why is my life so hard? What did I do to cause myself so much hardship? WHY?!

Fucking just spent ten minutes looking for a class that when I found by pure flooke the lights were off. What an idoit. This is the second prof that is an idoit so far. And theres no msn on this computer. More fuck balls.

I got the ac adapter for my laptop today. And it didn't fit. Why did I need an ac adapter? Well because my mother threw mine in the garbage. Do you see what I'm talking about?! Fuck - like really. All I want to do is sleep in my bed with a boy, forever. But I have to get up early tomorrow morning so I none of that. And I have o boy with which to sleep so my king size duvet will have to do.

> one hour later<

The rage has settled slightly. I have come across an ebay site, which has the adapter i need for sure. The only problem is that they have a fucking plethora of options and I am not wasting anymore money. Since my crazy ass mother scratched the model number off my computer, I am going to email the company and get their advice.

Just went to get a drink and remembered the best part of my day. Totally saw one of my crushes in the shower today. Its some kid that I noticed at the gym. He's got this look about him that just says 'hold me'. I caught his name on the back of a jersey one day and facebook stocked him. I see him every now and then. I couldn't believe it when he walked and dropped his towel today. Of course I had other shit to do otherwise I would have stayed and watched him wash. Didn't strike me as a shower at school kind of guy.

And I need to get on this fucking diet asap. I want to start taking protein, but from what I understand, results are best when you eat properly on it. And I am not eating properly. Had pizza last night which makes it at least a week of eating fast or frozen food as my main meal. I finally went grocery shopping today, and had leftover pizza for dinner. This was of course after I opened my fedex to find that I am still without a computer. Fucking balls.

I'm gonna warp this up because I can't listen to this crappy teacher and dwell on the hardships of my life. So salut, until I'm back online.