Getting back on the horse

It has been a really tough two weeks. Since I got back from Cuba I have been dealing with this weird crisis of faith. I think I talked about it in my last post. I am/was just so tried of the fucking grind that is my life. It seems that I am always doing something and that when I'm not doing something I'm losing time for stuff that I should be doing. But I think I have been putting too much pressure on myself.

The other thing thats been bothering me is this whole 'pressure on myself' business. I have no one to tell me that I am being crazy or that my hard work will pay off. I have to tell myself all of these things and I guess myself just got sick of motiving myself, and thats where I found myself last week. But over the past few days, I have come to the realization that I can only do so much. I have resolved to try my hardest, but if I fall short of my goals, I just need to learn from the experience and move on.

Right?

From fag hags to this empty blog, I seek validation and comfort that I am a well adjusted young man. But it doesn't seem to be coming. Why? Went to the MIT formal last night. My ex was there with his new boyfriend. It was gross. They slobbered all over each other all night. I got a couple comments from people who were completely detached ("Who are those gross people making out on the dance floor?") And as vindicating as that was for me, I thought, that used to be us being slutty. *SIGH*

I guess this is as good a time as any to go into my perfect man. He is tall and handsome and is like me in every way, but also different in all the right ways. He is ripped, shoulders, back and chest. He has a small waist and a big butt, the kind that hold up pants. Hes just an awesome smile and uses it a lot. He is kind and thoughtful and loves me for me and I love him for loving me.

My dream guy exists, because I've seen him on xtube. He is between 19-21 and knows how to use a dildo. He's got shame, but his hot body is too hot not to be shared with the world. He is my dream boy and one day I will meet him.

One day. Until then... I'll jerk off.