Life on Hold

I had a great post good to go for today, called the Ugly side of Cruising, but its trapped on my work computer. I don't know what the issue is with getting me on the net, but they haven't figured it out yet.

This event seems to be mirroring the general theme of my life over the past week. As you may or may not know I leave for Cuba on Friday: T-minus 3 days (not counting today). Last week was my 'hell' week. Exam, project, presentation. I spent most my time cramming and so I missed the gym. Also because I was spending so much time on campus, I ate like crap. I had been cruising the bodybuilding.com website, and found 'bodyspace', a myspace-esque profile where you cronicle your progress in the body modification process. The homepage has the apt slogan, 'Strength in numbers'.

Now this will end up being the biggest farce I have been a apart of since I joined 'Let's make a deal' (a 'quit smoking' program at Western) last year. Nonetheless, I said to myself, when I get back from Cuba I'll sign up. I'll start buying protein, working out more diligently, keeping track, etc, etc, etc. ... when I get back from Cuba.

When I was working this weekend, which was as bad as its been almost ever, I motivated myself through the shift with the comfort of knowing once those gruwling 10 hours were done, I'd be free from the dungeon - at least for a week.

I have had a problem in my past of inflating my expectation and then being completely deflated when they don't meterialize. For that reason, I have been writing off this trip. It probably won't be that good, I tell myself whenever dreams of sun and sand enter my brain. But I think I may have fucked myself.

I have put so much pressure on the trip being mediocore, I am starting to wonder if it was worth the $1106. I haven't even gone! What is wrong with me?! I am also scared that once I go, it will rush by and I will be back to the hell that is this life too quickly. I am already worring about stuff that is due in March. And as these thoughts terrorize me, I have to continually push them away and deal with the shit at hand. Paying my phone bill and rent, making sure I have applied for all the summer jobs whose applications closing soon, maintaining the multiple oh so vital work relationships I have. Oh and school.

*Sigh*

Update: My submission for the Edge Youtube challange never got completed. Dispite the lighting and battery issues, we managaed the shoot 90% of it in one day, last Saturday. When I went to edit it on Sunday, I found that because my computer is not designed to handle multimedia applications, the latter part of the video is a jumble of stlited video and unsync'd audio. I even tried to edit it on at the Mac lab on campus, but it just wasn't meant to be. The video that did win was awesome though. Let me see if I can find it.

Stay Tuned: Finally gonna start shit disturbing the MITSC. - A.P. if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem