the pledge

I spent the day sitting at my computer working on my FINAL assignment of 3rd year. Got it done around 6. Decided to go for a run because I skipped the gym yesterday.

On my way to the bathroom to shower, I caught myself in the mirror. I have lost my figure. I actually did a double take. WTF?!

I know exactly what happened. I got lazy. I stopped going to gym after Cuba, pretty much. I started eating like shit. I ate out a lot, laziness. I ate a lot of carbs, but I say that I do that because it makes me feel good. I went out for a Froster and a bag of cheeies at midnight last night. Why? Why not? has been my response for the past 2 months.

But the summer is on its way. And when I saw those hips, I couldn't believe my eyes. So, I have been contemplating no carbs for a while, and I guess there is no time better than the present. So May 1st - Will goes no carbs. I may also try and quite smoking and just make it hell month. We'll see.

The run I went on today was great. I could try and focus on that. Bah.

Saturday Afternoon

It's 2:30, and I've been up for about an hour. I have a huge flash website that I need to start today. I was cruising around the internet and came across this post at DTB.

After Viringa Tech this week, I came to the conclusion that the US has fully and completely become a hyperreal state. I was just getting off work I believe when I saw the TVs in the University Community Centre displaying the news out of VT, and I stopped for about 30 seconds to hear the headline and kept on walking. 33 dead, a 2 hour interval between shootings, and flashes of Columbine. I'd seen it before.

So for as large as a tragedy as that incident was, I didn't shed a tear for almost two days, when I was watching the 6 o'clock CBC news hoping to find out what was going in my world, to find that apparently nothing happened in my world that wasn't related to the shooting.

Me and some friends of mine are currently in the process of trying to get a conscious publication off the ground for September. We consider ourselves very enlightened individuals and one of the reasons that we want to start this magazine is so that we can have intelligent conversations with a larger portion of our peer group. I had one with my roommate the other day about about how Canada's liberal party is creating a big mess for itself but making alliances left, green and everywhere. But even that conversation starting to draw in big media punditry and started to lose substance quickly.

Anyways, how do these things relate? I am a media savvy, conscious individual in my liberal minded Canadian haven. I can't imagine who I might be if I lived in the US. I am only turned onto the evils of the organized world about half the time as it is, and thats partly because I don't run into it at every turn. South of the boarder though, I can't fathom how torturous it must to be to see it everywhere. I posted DTB's post because I saw it and said 'who cares' - the exact motherfucking attitude that I am trying to combat in my peer group.

I will continue to blame commercial culture for the way that we are. I found a fucking fantastic public sphere show on TVO call the Agenda. Its an hour show that deals with political topics and includes a great feedback section. This is the television everyone should be watching. Except the only reason I came across it is because I don't have cable.

I am going to read that post and file yet another reason why I'm afraid, in awe, perplexed, disgusted, fascinated with the the US. I am going to read the comments to see what the DTBs readers think. I am going to battle the who care attitude until I begin to see it picked up by everyone.

*side note* great idea for a book - a post modern tragedy where the main character's life spirals away from him through a series of hyperreal events

what it feels like for a girl

This is my attempt at a quick blog. I'm just about to eat dinner and go out for a couple of beers with a buddy of mine I haven't seen in a while.
And I'm standing in the kitchen thinking, "Fuck! I don't want to have sex with ___." This is the short guy that I have hooked up with a couple of times over the past few months. He was the guy I saw right after I got back from Cuba. We are going to same bar tonite, seperatly.
Anyways hes moving to Montreal and he wants to see me again before he goes. I have been trying to avoid it but hes leaves next week. And it is the civil thing to do. Theres really no reason for me not too - except - its too easy. It came to me in a stream on consciousness, I don't want a guy who loves to suck my cock or be my bottom. I want someone who calls me fat and fucks me hard. Someone I have work for their approval.
What is wrong with me? And then it hit me.
This is what it must feel like to be a girl.

Summer's here by the by, so I will have time more prolific blog.
My mircowave is beeping at.

never good enough

Oh where to start, where to start...

I was going to make this post about the only semi-eventful thing that has happened to me in the past little bit, and wait till you here what it is.

But then I stopped and thought about it and came to the conclusion that it would have been a boring post since, truth be told, its a pretty sad state of affairs.

The story starts on Saturday night. My Toronto Maple Leafs had just beaten Montreal in the last game of the regular season. We were in 9th going in and with that win we knocked out Montreal for a (temporary) playoff spot. I was in high spirits and as me and my mates headed out for the night things were good. We started the night at a Richmond St. condo, finishing our predrinking and shooting the shit. Soon enough we left for the Ceeps, a legendary London watering hole. Straight bar with wood everywhere, I had planned to stay till about 12:30 and go to the gay bar. My usual course of action. This night however I had two girls in tow.

We get to 181, and I am still feeling good. The place had a pretty decent size crowd. I get out on the dance floor with the girls, and I'm getting into my groove. This gorgeous boy dances past me and we have a short exchange. He was commenting on my blue and white TML santa hat. The leafs are one of the few things about Toronto that I will defend nowadays so I didn't care that my hat was one Christian holiday late.

I keep dancing, and realize, WAIT one GODDAMN minute. A hot boy stopped to talk to ME?! I couldn't let something like that just go by the wayside. He was just my type too. Red head, slim, but with mass, close fitting clothes, but not tight. I excused myself to the bathroom and gave his ass a good squeeze on the way by.

On my way back I see the boy dancing on a speaker. I wait for him to see me. I extend me hand, "Can I dance with you?" I overly annunciate, hoping he reads lips. He takes my hand and pulls. And I lose my footing. I was up in half a second, and luckily I was drunk so there was some excuse for my clumsiness. Smiling extra wide at him, he leans in and goes, "I'm (either) not totally/not actually gay." And it was as quick as a reflex. I put hands on his torso just under his arms and ran them down just past his waist. "Well," I said, "thats what you get." And with that I was off, back to my friends.

Meanwhile, I believe, my ex was keeping an eye on me. I believe, because I keep my eye on him at the bar. Who knows why, but we do, so whatever. He is chillin' with my peeps. Dancing, dancing, dancing. A new boy is talking to me. Two boys in one night, I am a fucking star. He makes another Leafs/santa hat comment and I give my reasons. Chris, he says extending a hand. He dances away and my ego has a raging hard-on. Or did I have one?

Anyways, this is all at about last call and I hate, hate, HATE to be in a bar past last call. Chris is still on the other side of the room, but my pride (and general sensibility) tells me not pursue him. So its me and J. And we're dancing a little closer, a little closer. I knew what was happening. He knew what was happening. "Wanna come over and have sex?" He asks to make sure. "Yeah, sure." I reply.

Sex was ok. Probably some of our better, but overall I'd have to say median. He drove me home Sunday afternoon. And thats when the blogging nag started to hit me. I held off until today though. Partly because I'm a lazy bastard. Partly because I wanted to figure out what I wanted to say.

The point of this story was to explore the ideas of greener grass and settling. The grass, they say, is greener on the side. Did I settle when I went home with J? My brief encounters should have told me I was better than that. Or was I being realistic and taking what I can get? I'm 21 and year away from the beginning of my sexual decline. This should be the best sex of my life. But its a once a month, hit or miss affair. What am I doing wrong? I wasn't good enough for bi guy or Chris, J wasn't good enough for me. sex isn't good enough. My prudence isn't good enough. Its just never good enough.

And maybe thats just what I needed to take from that. It's never good enough, so appreciate what I get.

...

Another reason I held off on this post was because after J dropped me off, I turned on my computer and my email has a message from Steven. Steven is a guy that I hooked up with when I was in Calgary. He was inviting me to join him in Montreal in July for the Just for Laughs and Jazz fest which are during the same week this year.

He was MSN and we chatted for a bit. I think I'm going. But we'll see....

deeper and deeper

This funk has not really ended yet. I am still not very motivated to do anything. I applied for the editor position of my faculties publication the MIT'Zine. I was the front runner, the most qualified. And of course didn't get it.
And because I haven't been going to gym regularly, I am getting man boobs. Not hot at all. However I am hoping that I get this job at campus rec. which means I will be at the gym all the time, which is totally a dream.
I had hoped to get a lot more out of this post. But it seems I don't have motivation for this either. No one reads it. It doesn't make me feel better like it used to. I need to find a new drug.

It is this fragmented world, that has me this way I think. I can't get anything done, because I only see a small part of my life at a time. I only see until tomorrow. I don't care beyond that. And that is the problem with our society as a whole. But how do you change an entire world's organizational technique.

I am trying to write this article about green products and the reasons that they are not the standard. The reasont hey are not the stardard is because people are disconnected from the earth. They throw their garbage into a can, leave it on a curb and then it disappears. Because they don't see the gross amount of garbage they produce they also have no idea of the time it will take that garbage to decompose. It will decompose, but not tomorrow or in a year. It will be generations. If people knew this, could see this then the world would be a much different place. All products would be green. People would not choose plastic over paper. EVER. I recycle as much as I possibly can. But there are a large number of products that are seemingly essential that are uber harmful to the earth.

And here I sit blogging about it.

I have always followed the philosophy of doing your part. Well I'm doing my part, what about everyone else. Who are these fuckers? Why won't they change their ways? Why won't the government do anything? why do people hate the government? Why aren't people political?

I was at my catering job last night and one of my managers was complaining about the food services staff at one of the affiliated colleges who are on strike and blocking the parking lot enternces. She said she didn't sign their petition because she doesn't like to attach her name to things. She said that she fully understood the position of the strikers. She works for the same people essentially. But she still wouldn't sign. She wouldn't call the school administration to voice her concern. WTF?

We are going to hell because of post modernism. Capitalism I hope you're happy. Fucker.

whats the word... validated

Its sad when I put it out there like this, but last night I hooked up with my elusive blonde fuck buddy, and it was fucking awesome. This is the kid who I chase pretty hard (for me) on msn all the time and he's either just brushes me off or explains why we can't meet. Lately he's been msging me, but I've just closed them because I can't deal witht he the tease.

Last night however, after spending the entire evening shmusing, I got home and the little box from him was flashing on my desktop. I hit him with a whats up, and he said he was thinking about smoking a joint and then going to bed. I said I was thinking about the same thing, and cock.

"Cock?" he said. "Whose cock?" "No one in particular." I replyed. "Just cock." Pause on both ends. "So you wanna smoke then?" I ask. "Sure."

So I go over. He lives across the motherfuckign street from me. Literally a 2 minute walk. Dangerous Minds was on TV. We smoked the joint. It was huge and awesome. We had to put it out. The last few times we've done this (which hasn't been for MONTHS mind you) we sit on the edge of his bed and my hand slowy creeps up his side and we move closer and we kiss and then get down to it. Last night, he outted the joint and just went for it. I was like - well then. It was nice. I'm smiling right now.

The best thing about Cameron - big cock. He's my dream boy, except he's skinny. But even then, thats not really a negative. And the orgasim. 10+. And thats the worst thing about Cameron. We first hooked up... in the summer? So like 7 months ago, and we've only hooked up like a handful of times. I guess he used to have a boyfriend so... but like everytime we see each other its a longer intervel than the time before. But everytime, the sex is better.

*SIGH* I'm glad I got it last night though. I really needed. I had actually begun counting how long it had been. March 2nd - March 22 so like weeks. I've definately gone longer, but I was beginning to itch. I honestly feel a whole lot better.

Ok enough on that.

I remember that I had tried to make this blog something of value, so here are my links for the past couple months.

Want to feel inspired by the power of the internet, individual creativity and the wonderful world of science: http://www.makezine.com Something new everyday. You might even find a project you want to try.

Tired of crappy corporate radio? Internet radio is my new heaven. It saves my downloading, theres no commericals and its free. I was all over Yahoo! Music's LaunchCast Radio, but they have been screwing around with the channels that I like.
My roommate read about Slacker on some tech website. It is basically the same thing as the Yahoo service, except, this summer they are going to be launching a WIFI, satellite radio capable music player. The was it was explained to me, when you get up in the morning, you turn it on and connect it and its syncs up all the music for they day. Depending on which service package you sign up for, you can skip songs. I like the idea, and I like the mix of music that they offer. Check it out.

its not fair

its not fucking fair! I'm 21 years old and I'm loosing a tooth like a fucking 8 year old! what the fuck is going on!??!
This is the worst thing that happened to me since, I don't know when. I am sitting here eating a bagel and I feel this familiar feeling in my mouth. And I thought it felt loose a day or two ago, but now I'm pretty sure that its coming out. I have spent the last little bit googling solutions and they all suck. Loosing a tooth sucks. And I have no one to turn too. I talked to my best friend about it the other night. But I need someone to tell me that I'm going to be all right. I don't. I am all alone.
I am trying to get some tears about but nothing will come. I need someone to hold me. I keeping thinking "Mommy" but that bitch is the worst and there is no way I am telling her anything. I am, at this moment more than any in recent memory, an orphan. Yes my parents aren't actully dead, but I've been abandoned. One literally, the other lost her mind and can no longer think beyond her own crazy desires. That leaves me and this blog. How sad is that.

blogging at work

I think I may be out of my funk. I woke up this morning, and didn't feel like a sac of shit. I was slightly motivated to get to school and get work done. I have a fairly busy week coming up and I opened my agenda for the first time in two weeks today.

I think that as I get into the swing of work I sort of gain momentum. I skipped work on Friday, to sleep, so today I came in to a pile of emails to write. I got those off with enough time to get a blog in. I have to leave here and go and finish my Zine Editor application, and then I have a Campus Rec interview (I really hope I get it). Then I have class till 10 and then I gotta go home and get my shit in order. I totally fucking wasted this whole weekend. At the time it seemed reasonable, but I really need to get on top of my shit. I need to figure out my finances (fucking debt) to see if I actually can go to NYC before May.

I have a gum infection to top it all off. I am dredding going to see a dentist, but I really really need to. How fucking embarassing though. I was thinking yesterday about cruising/calling up my booty call, but just the thought of my sore gums rubbing up against cock, makes me shudder. Gum disease - That would happen to me.

I also found out that I got an interview for an IBM internship that I don't even want.

*I just lost part of my blog b/c the touch pad on this laptopFUCKING SUCKS*

So with that I am going to quit while I'm ahead. Fuck off you fucking piece of shit

Getting back on the horse

It has been a really tough two weeks. Since I got back from Cuba I have been dealing with this weird crisis of faith. I think I talked about it in my last post. I am/was just so tried of the fucking grind that is my life. It seems that I am always doing something and that when I'm not doing something I'm losing time for stuff that I should be doing. But I think I have been putting too much pressure on myself.

The other thing thats been bothering me is this whole 'pressure on myself' business. I have no one to tell me that I am being crazy or that my hard work will pay off. I have to tell myself all of these things and I guess myself just got sick of motiving myself, and thats where I found myself last week. But over the past few days, I have come to the realization that I can only do so much. I have resolved to try my hardest, but if I fall short of my goals, I just need to learn from the experience and move on.

Right?

From fag hags to this empty blog, I seek validation and comfort that I am a well adjusted young man. But it doesn't seem to be coming. Why? Went to the MIT formal last night. My ex was there with his new boyfriend. It was gross. They slobbered all over each other all night. I got a couple comments from people who were completely detached ("Who are those gross people making out on the dance floor?") And as vindicating as that was for me, I thought, that used to be us being slutty. *SIGH*

I guess this is as good a time as any to go into my perfect man. He is tall and handsome and is like me in every way, but also different in all the right ways. He is ripped, shoulders, back and chest. He has a small waist and a big butt, the kind that hold up pants. Hes just an awesome smile and uses it a lot. He is kind and thoughtful and loves me for me and I love him for loving me.

My dream guy exists, because I've seen him on xtube. He is between 19-21 and knows how to use a dildo. He's got shame, but his hot body is too hot not to be shared with the world. He is my dream boy and one day I will meet him.

One day. Until then... I'll jerk off.

I thought I did this already

21 and 1 day old, and I am in the dumps. I was running on a bit of a drain when I got back from Cuba on Friday. I wasn't ready to come back and get back into the grind. As much as I knew that it was only a month until this semester will be over, I just didn't want to. The weekend passed and Monday was my birthday as well as a near 12 hour day on campus. I came home to an empty house, roommates gone to play poker. My best friend gave me the cold shoulder the whole night and I just couldn't figure out why, except for that fact that he is an inconsiderate bastard.

Today I ran into the internship co ordinator for my program who told me to apply for an internship in Toronto. I - don't know how to articulate just how I am feeling, but just was I was getting into the swing of what this program is all about, I am thrust back into the business world.

I am more than likely over reacting but I don't know what to do. Or I know what I have to do, but I just don't want to do it. I have to apply for this internship, I have to go forward with Katie's project, I have write all my papers and I have to go to work.

And the gym. My fuck buddy told me that he could see my muscle mass diminishing. I was glad that he said something so I know, but WTF? I skipped the gym today because I ran into a friend of mine who I don't see very often. We talked over our issues and I felt a lot better, but just not up to going to gym. I really wish that I had.

I think that I am going to 'train' for the Western bi-athlon. Its called a 'splash and dash' 500m swim, 5km run. Nothing too much. but I'm going to do it so at least I have one race. 'Race'.

I have to figure out this motivation problem because it's hit me like a ton of bricks. My girls are coming up from Toronto to party for my birthday on Friday. I am sure that it should be a good thing for me, but it might just make things worse. Whatever it will be a fun night nonetheless.


I also wanted to write a review of the resort that we went to in Cuba, but I just don't want to. I don't want to over analysis the experience. I had an awesome time, great memories, totally worth the money. That all that really needs to be said. And I'll post a picture or two, just to make the post semi-interesting. This was one of those masturbatory/therapeutic posts...

Future topics: My dream boy, Trent Reznor and NIN, and something random.

The Ugly Side of Cruising

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Life on Hold

I had a great post good to go for today, called the Ugly side of Cruising, but its trapped on my work computer. I don't know what the issue is with getting me on the net, but they haven't figured it out yet.

This event seems to be mirroring the general theme of my life over the past week. As you may or may not know I leave for Cuba on Friday: T-minus 3 days (not counting today). Last week was my 'hell' week. Exam, project, presentation. I spent most my time cramming and so I missed the gym. Also because I was spending so much time on campus, I ate like crap. I had been cruising the bodybuilding.com website, and found 'bodyspace', a myspace-esque profile where you cronicle your progress in the body modification process. The homepage has the apt slogan, 'Strength in numbers'.

Now this will end up being the biggest farce I have been a apart of since I joined 'Let's make a deal' (a 'quit smoking' program at Western) last year. Nonetheless, I said to myself, when I get back from Cuba I'll sign up. I'll start buying protein, working out more diligently, keeping track, etc, etc, etc. ... when I get back from Cuba.

When I was working this weekend, which was as bad as its been almost ever, I motivated myself through the shift with the comfort of knowing once those gruwling 10 hours were done, I'd be free from the dungeon - at least for a week.

I have had a problem in my past of inflating my expectation and then being completely deflated when they don't meterialize. For that reason, I have been writing off this trip. It probably won't be that good, I tell myself whenever dreams of sun and sand enter my brain. But I think I may have fucked myself.

I have put so much pressure on the trip being mediocore, I am starting to wonder if it was worth the $1106. I haven't even gone! What is wrong with me?! I am also scared that once I go, it will rush by and I will be back to the hell that is this life too quickly. I am already worring about stuff that is due in March. And as these thoughts terrorize me, I have to continually push them away and deal with the shit at hand. Paying my phone bill and rent, making sure I have applied for all the summer jobs whose applications closing soon, maintaining the multiple oh so vital work relationships I have. Oh and school.

*Sigh*

Update: My submission for the Edge Youtube challange never got completed. Dispite the lighting and battery issues, we managaed the shoot 90% of it in one day, last Saturday. When I went to edit it on Sunday, I found that because my computer is not designed to handle multimedia applications, the latter part of the video is a jumble of stlited video and unsync'd audio. I even tried to edit it on at the Mac lab on campus, but it just wasn't meant to be. The video that did win was awesome though. Let me see if I can find it.

Stay Tuned: Finally gonna start shit disturbing the MITSC. - A.P. if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem

bad mood

I was up until 3 a.m. making flash project, that nearly killed me. I'm lying, it wasn't that bad, but it took like 3 hours.

I came to the class, which is on the far end of town, in shitty weather, expecting to hand it in and leave. I checked with the prof though, just before I left.

"Are you lecturing today or is it just the assignment?"
"No, no. I'm lecturing."

Fucking crushed. I had planned to go the bank, and get chinese for dinner and bask in the feeling of feeling ahead of the game. As I sit here, dying, I'm watching people putting their finishing touches on their projects. And they look fucking fantastic. I feel like a douche.

I have never beena very artistic person, and I do believe that design requires a certain amount of ... fuck I can't even think of the word. I just want to go to bed and sleep for a year. I'm so tired.

But I've got shit to do when I get home. I've got a presentation tomorrow. And then I have to start of the stuff for next week.

9 days till Cuba

My first brown crush

Where to start where to start. I know I had said that planning my blogs was going to be the way that I raised their quality, but you sometimes things just happen that are more interesting. Well relatively.

My planned blog topics, or just stuff that I've wanted to touch on yet that I haven't include, my inability and insatiable desire for muscle. Would have been good for visuals. Also there is my white issues. Stuff like how I don't see myself as brown and I am so white, culturally, what is my heritage? That would go into really weird political and sexual areas, and I would probably go crazy writing it.

My first brown crush however kind of ties into that. I have always been attracted to white guys exclusively for a long time now. Even when I lived in India, I always kept my eye on the European boys. Today however, over an English muffin and a mug of tea, I heart fluttered when I caught my first glimpse of Zaib Shaikh as Amaar Rashid on the CBC comdey Litte Mosque on the Prairie.

The show deals very frankly with muslins in the West, touching on everything from the hopes of modernization to the struggle to hold on to tradition. The story is told from a omniscient point of view so we get to see the town bigots, the older muslin communities reaction to the new Imam from Toronto, a progressive and the show's lead.

Zaib's handsome face and seeming detachment from the world's expectations of him (at least this is Amaar's approach to the world), I think are what make me hot for him. Also that fact that he is a leading minority character. I love success, its sexy in same way that Brady and Sundin are sexy. The sweat, blood, mud, quick quips and bright smiles. These are men who have succeeded.

I was going to go into my inferiority complex and how much I envy the talented writer of Debriefing the Boys, (whose blog is an inspiration to all multi-tasking, creative, sensitive, intelligent university homos everywhere), but I'm going to go smoke some bowls with Mike and then start editing my youtube video. Much more productive. And there, something to look forward to, non-existent readers. Until next time. Cheers

My First Real Blog

Ok so for this blog I am going to talk about things. Where do I begin.

It always starts with sex so why not. I love ginger kids. Its a crude term, but its better than redhead. Because its more than that. Its its a very distinct, north British Ilse blood. Fair skin, tall, and not always large but mostly meaty.

Living in Canada, and going to white school, I am fortunate enough to have a number on my campus. Today I ran into one at the gym and he wasn't big by any means, he could been like a buck 50, maybe 65. But he was ripped. And pale. But his shooting blue eyes and large swaying bluge. glwlwlwl

Oh I lost myself for a second there - ok men. There are so many facets. I want to do them all but its too many.

But That is why I am sharing this information with you. My obsession with my own gender is gross. I love guys. I love a very particular kind of guy. I love straight guys. Which is a predicament, yes? Yes.

Well I found someone who loves straight guys as much as I do. A new lover? No.

His name is Charlie LeDuff. An Irish boy. Brown hair. But a very interesting face on an interesting man. LeDuff is a journalist who works in cultural analysis. I saw him on Steven Colbert's The Colbert Report, Tuesday night promoting his new book US Guys. He travelled the country to document the current male condition.

What a great fucking idea! I am all over this book, and when I wikipedia'd him I found that he hosts a television program on the Discovery Times channel (!??!!?!? - you fucking lucky stupid americans!). I can't wait until it comes out on DVD.

This is my tribute to ginger boys. Cheers.

thats something thatwould happen to me...

So remember that digital camera I bought off ebay? Well I got it - And I lost it!

I got it on Feb 1 and today is Feb 3. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

I want to go into how God must hate me -- or at least he enjoys my misfortune. But I won't. I'm in Toronto for my best friend's birthday. We are going to roll a joint, get drunk and have a good time.

And I have discovered the secret to good blogging - i think. Its planning. By planning my blogs you wont have to read about my shitty day anymore. Not that anyone reads this blog. So get ready for some good stuff. Next week on Disfunctional.

Cuba! Si!

I got my passport today!! Yesterday we booked the trip. I'm going to motherfucking CUBA!

Its weird, things seems to be going strangely well. I got this shit looked after, I'm going to Toronto on Saturday for Lauren's birthday, which I can definately afford. Or at least will be after work Thurs and Friday.

I guess the only thing I have left to do is get on top of my school work. :S I hate reading, and it seems that is all the work I have to do. And I hate reading! But I need to get on it. I have a midterm on Monday, which I have to read 3 chapters for. Not too bad. But then I have to get started on reading for another midterm, and and essay. And I also have to work on a presentation. But I should be ok. At least I know what I need to be doing. Bah I hate being evaluated.

Had some great sex the other night. It was with short Rob. I wish I knew to work links and tags so if you wanted you could go back and read about my short guys debate. Anyways the sex was amazing, but I need to start having sex with people I'm hot for. I felt bad that he didn't get off, but like, if I wanted to get off, I'd make it known that thats what needed to happen. He didn't seem to interest. When I fool around with Cameron though, its my goal to get him off, because I'm hot for him. Sex is weird. But awesome all the same.

Oh heres a link for today. My friend Eric (I'm sure I talked about him before - my sexy classmate) are making a video to enter into the Edge's youtube challenage. It took me a couple weeks to come up with the concept, but we have one, I'm writing the script and looking for an actress. We have until Feb 16th (I think) to get it in. I'll post it here obviously when its done.

Girl TV

Girl TV is always a guilty pleasure, and I'm not sure why. From when I was a young fag watching Ally Mcbeal, to middle school drama that everyone could get away with, Dawson's Creek, to the vernacularly endowed Gilmore Girls, I can only admit the addiction to other fans.

People's television choices in general are pretty fucked up. There isn't much to choose from these day, but what people seem to pick up and leave behind is weird. For example, 30 Rock, an SNL backed Tina Fay vehicle apparently got canceled. It appears from their website that there is a special episode coming up, but I don't know if they ordered a full season yet. Come on Meta tv is all the rage. And Tina Fay is awesome.

Thats a girls show too though. What brought me to the issue of girl tv is my only real series of choice this season. Ugly Betty is the story a girl from Queens trying to make it in Manhatten. She has a killer job and has to deal with all of these semi-moral dilemmas. The writing is fabulous, the lessons inspiring, the hunk, hunkilious (if a bit on the small side) and the aesthetic styling and shot composition is very modern.

I just thought that I was kind of interesting. Oh these are all things that you can check out on alluc.org

Is it me or PCs?

I have, for the most part, been a PC advocate my whole life. I hated people who had macs because they always think they're better than everybody. And for a long time their user interface just didn't seem as ... good.

It seems though times have changed. I am so fucking sick of my laptop. I'msick of the laptop I work on at work. I hate my buddy'scomputer with all the pop-ups.I'm sick of accidently deleteing my posts with one keystroke.

I want a mac. I was looking on ebay for one a while back. But then I realized that the company is doing so much with the intel core duo, that Imight as well hold off until I can afford it.

While might take me while with my spending habits. Bought this digi cam on ebay on wednesday. It s a dv camcorder too, and for $175, I'd say its a pretty good deal. I'm gonna get off now before I lose this one - or get caught. http://www.digilifeglobal.com/ddv-m1.htm

FUCK

Fuck! This is the second time I writing this post!! I hate Internet Explorer ... and to a lesser extent, blogger!

So I was originally mad that I had forgetten my dinner on the bus. Obviously it was becuase I had been staring at a hot guy.

I gotta run though boss coming. CUBA!!